Sasha hurled the phone onto the sofa with such force that it bounced off and hit the floor with a thud. Her hands were shaking. Her voice broke into a scream.
“Neither you nor your precious mother has any right to tell me how to spend my bonus! Do you understand?!”
Ivan froze by the window and slowly turned around, as if he could not believe those words had come from his wife. The same Sasha who had always smiled, nodded, agreed. Who had never raised her voice. Who had dinner with his mother every Sunday and patiently listened to lectures about “family values.”
“What do you think you’re doing?” he finally forced out.
“What do you think you’re doing?!” Sasha stepped toward him, and something flared in her eyes that made Ivan involuntarily step back. “For three years! For three years I’ve denied myself everything! I wear the same things over and over, I don’t buy makeup, I don’t go out with my friends! And for what? So your little sister can sit at home and do nothing?!”
“She’s raising two children alone!”
“She could have not been alone!” Sasha’s voice rang like a stretched wire. “She could have gone to court! Forced that bastard to pay child support! But no, it’s more convenient for her to complain to Mom, and Mom runs to you, and you…”
She stopped short and took a breath. A lump rose in her throat.
“And me?” Ivan asked quietly.
“And you come running to me.”
A heavy, thick silence hung in the air. Somewhere outside the window cars rumbled, children shouted, and huge indifferent Moscow went on living its life. But here, in their two-room apartment on the sixth floor, something important was collapsing. Sasha felt it physically, as if the supports holding the entire structure of their marriage were breaking inside her.
It had all started three years earlier.
Back then Natasha, Ivan’s sister, had just gotten divorced. She arrived at their mother’s place with suitcases, two children, and tearful eyes. At the time, Sasha had still felt sorry for her. She had even defended her in front of her friends when they shook their heads disapprovingly: “Back to Mom at thirty? With two kids?”
“She simply had no choice,” Sasha would say. “Her husband cheated and drank. She couldn’t stay there.”
Her friends stayed silent, but their silence said more than words.
The first six months were tolerable. Ivan and his mother had to support Natasha and the children while she “came to her senses” and “figured out what to do next.” Sasha understood that money from the family budget was no longer going only toward the two of them. But it was temporary. Natasha would find a job, file for child support, and everything would settle down.
A year later, Natasha was still “coming to her senses.”
“I can’t work full time,” she explained during yet another family dinner. “The children are small. Who will pick them up from kindergarten?”
“Mom could,” Sasha suggested timidly.
Valentina Petrovna, her mother-in-law, looked at her as though Sasha had suggested something indecent.
“My blood pressure. And my heart. The doctors forbade me from getting nervous.”
Natasha found a part-time job as an administrator at a beauty salon. The money she earned barely covered the children’s clothes. Everything else rested on Ivan’s shoulders. And, therefore, on Sasha’s too.
“It won’t be for long,” Ivan reassured her. “Just until she gets back on her feet.”
Sasha nodded. Because she loved him. Because he was a good man, a caring brother. Because she herself had grown up in a family where relatives always helped each other, and she believed that was right.
But the months passed, and nothing changed.
“What about child support?” Sasha would ask. “Has she filed a claim?”
Ivan would fidget and look away.
“It’s complicated. He says the younger one isn’t his.”
“So what?”
“Natasha doesn’t want that discussed in court. She’s ashamed.”
Ashamed? Sasha wanted to ask, “Am I not ashamed to walk around in worn-out boots? Am I not ashamed to refuse to meet my friends because I don’t even have money for a café?” But she kept silent.
Back then, she still kept silent.
The second year was worse than the first. Natasha quit the salon. “Rude treatment,” she explained. She looked for another job for a month. Then another month. Then her older child started having problems at school, and Natasha decided she needed to stay home to “control the situation.”
Sasha stayed silent. She gave up new clothes, makeup, trips. Her friends went on vacations, posting photos from Turkey, Greece, Bulgaria. Sasha scrolled through the feed and liked their pictures, while something inside her slowly died.
“Maybe we could go somewhere too?” she once suggested to Ivan.
He looked at her in surprise.
“Now? When Natasha has so many problems?”
“What problems, Vanya? She just doesn’t want to work!”
“Don’t talk nonsense. She has children.”
“Everyone has children! But somehow everyone works!”
Ivan frowned, and Sasha realized she had once again crossed the line. That same invisible line beyond which began “foreign” territory, where she was not allowed to interfere. Ivan’s family. His mother, his sister, his nephews.
The third year was the final straw.
Sasha received a bonus. A large, unexpected one, for a project she had worked herself to exhaustion on for half a year. Money that could change her life. At least for a while.
She sat in the accounting department, looking at the numbers on the statement, and dreamed. A fur coat. The one she had seen in the shop window. Or a vacation. A week by the sea, where she could simply lie on the beach and think about nothing.
She flew home as if on wings. Ivan was sitting in the kitchen, drinking tea. Sasha rushed to him, hugged him, kissed him.
“I got a bonus! Can you imagine?”
He smiled and hugged her back.
“Well done. I knew you could do it.”
“I’m thinking…” Sasha hesitated, suddenly feeling awkward. “I want to buy myself a fur coat. The one we saw. Or maybe we could go somewhere?”
The smile faded from Ivan’s face.
“A fur coat? Now?”
“Yes. What’s wrong?”
He pulled away and put his cup on the table.
“Sasha, you know Natasha is in a difficult situation. The kids need their activities paid for, a tutor for the older one. And the doctor prescribed vitamins for the younger one, expensive ones.”
Sasha felt something inside her turn cold.
“It’s my bonus, Vanya.”
“I know. But we’re family. We have to help each other.”
“We help! We’ve been helping for three years! When will anyone help us?”
Ivan frowned.
“Please don’t start.”
“Don’t start what?! I have the right to spend my own money on myself!”
“Of course you do. But how can you think about a fur coat when your nephews are in need?”
That word. “In need.” As if she were planning to buy diamonds for herself while the children starved. As if she were a monster, an egoist who thought only about herself.
“They are not in need,” Sasha said quietly. “Their father can pay child support. Their mother can work. This is their choice. Not mine.”
“She’s my sister.”
“And I’m your wife!”
Ivan stood up, pushing back his chair.
“I need to think,” he threw out and left the kitchen.
Sasha was left alone. She sat down in his place and buried her face in her hands. Tears welled up on their own, but she did not let them fall. Not now. Not because of this.
The next day, her mother-in-law called.
Valentina Petrovna never called for no reason. Every call from her was a deliberate strike, precisely calculated and unmistakable.
“Sashenka, do you have a minute?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Vanechka told me you got a bonus. I’m so happy for you, dear. You did well.”
“Thank you.”
“I wanted to talk to you… heart to heart. You understand Natasha is having a very hard time right now, don’t you?”
Sasha gripped the phone so tightly her fingers turned white.
“I understand.”
“She’s alone. With two children. Her ex-husband refuses to help. He says such terrible things that Natasha is afraid to go to court. You know how sensitive she is.”
“I know.”
“And Vanya and I are trying to help as much as we can. But it’s hard for us. My pension is small. Vanya’s salary isn’t exactly enormous. And then you got a bonus, and I thought… Maybe you could help? At least a little?”
Sasha said nothing. One word spun in her head: “No.” Simple, short, freeing. But her tongue would not turn to say it.
“I’ll think about it,” she finally forced out.
“Think about it, dear. Think. Otherwise it looks ugly. The nephews are in need, and their aunt is buying a fur coat.”
Click. Her mother-in-law hung up.
Sasha sat with the phone in her hand and stared into emptiness. “Ugly.” “The nephews are in need.” “Their aunt is buying a fur coat.”
That evening Ivan came home from work darker than a storm cloud. He threw his bag in the hallway, walked into the kitchen, and did not even say hello. Sasha was making dinner, trying not to pay attention to his mood. But the silence pressed down, becoming unbearable.
“Did Mom call you?” he finally asked.
“She did.”
“And what have you decided?”
Sasha turned off the stove and faced him.
“I haven’t decided anything yet.”
“What do you mean, nothing? Do you not care that the children are left without help?”
“The children are not left without help! They have a father!”
“Who refuses to pay!”
“Because Natasha doesn’t want to go to court!” Sasha’s voice broke into a shout. “She’s afraid he’ll say something about the younger one! But if she isn’t ready to fight for that child, why should I pay for him?!”
Ivan went pale.
“Are you refusing?”
“I’m not refusing! I want to understand when this will end! Three years, Vanya! For three years I’ve been living half-starved so your sister can sit at home! And now that I finally have money, I’m supposed to give it to her again?!”
“They’re your nephews!”
“They’re your nephews! And they are your sister’s problems! Why should I pay for them?!”
“Because we’re family!”
“Then where was that family when I was struggling?!” Sasha could no longer hold back. The words flew out in a hot, scorching stream. “Where was that family when I buried my father?! Where was that family when I needed money for his treatment?! Back then your mother also called and said she had blood pressure problems and couldn’t get nervous! And Natasha didn’t even come to the funeral! But I’m supposed to help them! Because they’re family!”
Ivan was silent. His face was pale, his lips pressed into a thin line.
“I didn’t know you felt that way about them,” he finally said.
“I don’t feel that way about them!” Sasha ran her hands over her face. “I’m just tired! Tired of constant saving! Tired of living paycheck to paycheck while Natasha calmly sits at home and complains about life! I want to live, Vanya! I want to think about myself at least sometimes!”
“About yourself. So, about yourself.”
“Yes! About myself! Is that a crime?”
Ivan turned and left the kitchen. Sasha heard the door to the room slam shut. She was left alone among the half-finished dinner and the shards of their conversation.
That night she did not sleep. She lay there, staring at the ceiling and thinking. Thinking about how they had met. How Ivan had been gentle, caring, attentive. How she had fallen in love with him exactly for that. For his kindness, for his willingness to help. For the fact that he was reliable.
But when does kindness turn into weakness? When does help become a burden?
In the morning Ivan left for work in silence. Sasha was silent too. All day they did not text, did not call each other. The silence buzzed in her ears louder than any scream.
That evening he came back with his mother.
Valentina Petrovna entered the apartment as if it were her own, immediately walked into the living room, and sat in Sasha’s favorite armchair. Ivan remained standing by the door, his arms crossed over his chest.
“Sashenka, we need to talk,” her mother-in-law began in a tone that allowed no objections.
“I’m listening,” Sasha sat opposite her, straightening her back.
“Vanya told me about your… conversation. Frankly, I’m shocked. Do you really think that way about our family?”
“Valentina Petrovna…”
“No, let me finish. I understand you’ve had your own difficulties. Everyone has. But family is sacred. It is what we live for. And when one of us falls into trouble, the rest must help. That is the law.”
“I helped. I helped for three years.”
“And that is wonderful! But now the children need help again. And you are refusing them. You want to spend money on a fur coat when your nephews…”
“They are not my nephews!” Sasha stood up sharply, making the armchair rock. “They are Ivan’s nephews! And Natasha’s problems are her problems! She is a grown woman, and she must solve them herself!”
Valentina Petrovna raised her eyebrows.
“You are selfish.”
“Maybe I am!” Sasha’s voice rang. “Maybe I am selfish! But I can’t do this anymore! I don’t want to! I’m tired of living in endless austerity for other people’s children!”
“Other people’s?!”
“Yes, other people’s! I didn’t give birth to them! I’m not the one who divorced their father! I’m not the one who refused to file for child support! Those were all Natasha’s decisions! So let her live with them!”
Valentina Petrovna rose, majestic in her indignation.
“I will not allow you to speak about my daughter that way!”
“I don’t care!” Sasha stepped forward. “I don’t care what you think of me! I’m tired of pretending everything is fine! I’m tired of being convenient! This is my bonus, and I’ll spend it however I want!”
That was when Ivan intervened.
“Sasha, calm down…”
“No! I won’t calm down!” She turned to him. “You know what infuriates me most? Not that you help your sister. It’s that you didn’t even ask me! You decided for me! You and your mother decided I had to give up the money, and you didn’t even think to ask what I wanted!”
“We were thinking about the children…”
“Did anyone think about me?!”
Silence fell. Heavy, suffocating. Valentina Petrovna looked at Sasha with such contempt, as if she were looking at an insect. Ivan stood pale, his gaze empty.
“So that’s how it is,” her mother-in-law finally said. “I see you’ve made your decision. Very well. I hope your fur coat will keep you good company when you are left alone.”
She left, slamming the door loudly. Ivan remained.
“Sasha…”
“Go,” she said tiredly. “Go to your mother. Or to your sister. They need you more.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why not? It’s true. What am I to you? A wallet that has to open on demand?”
“You know that isn’t true!”
“Then prove it!” She lifted her eyes to him, wet with tears she could no longer hold back. “Tell your mother it’s none of her business. Tell your sister she has to solve her own problems. Show me that I matter to you!”
Ivan was silent. Silent for a long time. And that silence was enough.
“Neither you nor your precious mother has any right to tell me how to spend my bonus! Do you understand?!” Sasha exhaled, and the last of her strength left her.
He left. Quietly, without a word.
Sasha sank to the floor right where she stood. She wrapped her arms around her knees and buried her face in them. She cried for a long time, bitterly, out loud. She cried over everything at once: the three lost years, the dreams that had remained only dreams, the love that had turned out not to be strong enough.
Her phone vibrated. A message from a friend: “Shall we meet tomorrow? I miss you!”
Sasha looked at the screen through her tears. Then slowly typed her answer: “Yes. Tomorrow. I’ll definitely come.”
And then she opened the travel agency website and entered her details. She clicked “Place order.” And for the first time in three years, she felt something that resembled freedom.
Ivan did not come home that night. He did not write, did not call. Sasha did not call him either. In the morning she got up and got ready for work as usual. She looked awful — swollen eyes, pale face. But inside, she was calm.
What would happen next, she did not know. Maybe they would divorce. Maybe he would come back and apologize. Or maybe they would remain in that suspended state where neither of them knew how to keep living together or how to live apart.
But the trip was already paid for. And that was the first step toward remembering that she had the right to her own life.
