«Your side of the family didn’t give much, dear, to be honest—not enough to even enjoy it!» announced Varvara Kuzminichna from the doorway as she pulled her burgundy cardigan tighter.
«We didn’t invite guests for the money,» Kira replied as she moved a dish of candies onto the dresser.
«What a waste!» Polina immediately jumped in, drumming her long fake nails on the edge of the dining table.
«Do you know how expensive a banquet is these days? You could have been more generous!»
«The party was fine,» Lev said from the window.
«Everyone liked everything.»
«Levushka, keep quiet!» Varvara Kuzminichna snapped at her son.
«You’re always daydreaming! It’s a good thing your mother and sister are looking out for your future.»
Kira looked at her husband. Lev sat on a stool, tousling his brown fringe and nervously fiddling with the edge of the cotton tablecloth. He clearly wasn’t going to step up for his wife.
The wedding had only been yesterday. The celebration was simple, held at a small café near the park.
Kira had covered almost the entire bill with her own vacation money. Before the event, Lev had looked down, complained about a delayed bonus, and contributed very little.
And today, just as ten o’clock struck, the doorbell rang insistently. Varvara Kuzminichna and Polina showed up unannounced.
Right at the door, my mother-in-law announced that the newlyweds clearly needed an experienced eye watching over them. According to her, otherwise they’d just waste all the generous cash gifts.
Kira isn’t the kind of person who would start a conflict over nothing.
She invited the guests to the table and pulled a stack of white envelopes from a wooden box. Then she sat down opposite them, tucking a strand of her brown hair behind her ear.
«Well, let’s see what surprises everyone has brought!» Varvara Kuzminichna said with a spark, adjusting her amber necklace.
«Hand over the stack, I know how to count money.»
The first five envelopes were from Kira’s colleagues and close friends. Along with thick wads of cash, the coworkers gifted the newlyweds a fantastic robot vacuum.
The big box stood in the hallway by the dresser. Polina was eyeing it with clear interest for the third time.
«Wow, your girlfriends really went all out!» Polina perked up, licking her lips.
«By the way, Kira, what do you need that thing by the dresser for? In this tiny rented apartment, you could mop the floors in five minutes!»
«We’re actually planning to move soon, Polya,» Kira reminded her.
«It’ll come in handy in the new place.»
«Oh please, who knows when that move will even happen!» her sister-in-law waved dismissively, straightening her sheer chiffon blouse.
«Just give me the vacuum! My cat sheds everywhere—I’m tired of collecting fur from the carpet. You guys will get a new one as a housewarming present later!»
«Let’s not split up gifts just yet—we haven’t even opened the box,» Kira replied gently.
«Honestly, I’ve been dreaming of having a helper like this for a while.»
«Oh, what a princess!» grumbled Varvara Kuzminichna, dexterously sweeping the friends’ cash gifts toward herself.
«Would it really hurt you to share with your own sister-in-law? We’re family, after all! Now, let’s see what our side of the family gave.»
She began opening the remaining four envelopes from Lev’s large family with an air of importance. The first three contained nothing but a few small bills.
And the fourth, decorated with gold sparkles, was completely empty. The givers hadn’t even bothered to sign a card.
«That must be from my second cousin and his family,» Varvara Kuzminichna didn’t miss a beat.
«Last month, hail ruined their greenhouse, so they can’t really afford much right now.»
«There’s not much from my aunt in Ryazan either,» noted Kira.
«Even though just yesterday, they shouted the loudest that they were making us rich.»
«Well, my sister still has her credit card to pay off, so it makes sense!» the mother-in-law explained without a hint of embarrassment.
«But they really celebrated from the bottom of their hearts and sang so beautifully! And here’s our gift, the one with the white swans, from me and Polina.»
Kira opened the thick double card. Inside were a couple of crumpled bills—barely enough for a single trip to the grocery store. Kira raised her eyebrow.
«Varvara Kuzminichna, yesterday you told the entire room on the microphone about your royal gift,» she reminded her.
«You promised a big contribution to our family nest. The guests even gave you standing ovations!»
«Absolutely right, dear!» the mother-in-law confirmed emphatically.
«Polina and I didn’t want to scatter money into envelopes. Our main gift is helping you organize your home purchase the right way!»
«And Mom was even ready to sell her summer house for your new apartment!» Polina chimed in immediately.
«But actually, last night we decided not to sell our plot. Makes sense, doesn’t it?»
«Wait, you changed your mind?» Kira was baffled.
“Exactly!” Polina said, crossing her legs.
“It’s autumn now—no one’s going to pay decent money for the plot! And where am I supposed to sunbathe next summer? I don’t want to get stuck melting in the city!”
Kira set the postcard with swans down on the table. So that’s where the real issue lies!
They had been planning to buy a new home for the past two months. Back in August, Kira had sold the apartment she inherited from her grandmother. All the money was sitting in her personal bank account.
That amount was more than enough for a spacious, bright two-bedroom apartment in a beautiful, green neighborhood.
But Lev and his mother both insisted Kira should get a three-bedroom apartment in a new residential complex. Kira’s old college friend happened to work in the developer’s sales office.
As a favor, he had reserved them a fantastic unit on the sixth floor.
Varvara Kuzminichna had solemnly promised to cover the missing portion—about a fifth of the cost—by selling her dacha. They had agreed to transfer the money and sign all the paperwork at the developer’s office today at noon.
“Hang on, Leva,” Kira turned to her husband.
“What do you mean you’re not selling the dacha? How are we supposed to cover the rest of the payment? We’re expected at the developer’s office at noon!”
“Kiryush, don’t start, okay?” Lev mumbled, staring at his house slippers.
“What’s the difference if Mom and Polina sell the dacha or not? We can just get the rest on a mortgage for a couple of years.”
“A mortgage in whose name?” Kira pressed.
“Yours, of course!” her husband replied like it was perfectly normal.
“You have the official salary, you’ll get approved at the bank in no time. And I’ll push myself too—I’ll help out.”
“Well, isn’t that interesting!” Kira fumed.
“So I put in all my grandmother’s inheritance, and on top of that I take the loan out in my name? And all because Polina needs a place to sunbathe in the summer?”
“What’s so wrong with that?” Polina scoffed, pulling the apartment floor plan closer from the edge of the table.
“There are three separate rooms, you know! One for you both as a bedroom, the second as a living room. And in the third, with the balcony, that’s where I’ll stay!”
“And why exactly would you be staying there?” Kira asked in astonishment.
“Well, where am I supposed to live when there’s renovations at my place, or when I get bored being alone?” her sister-in-law said, genuinely puzzled.
“I’m Lev’s own sister, not some random lady off the street! I absolutely deserve my own room!”
“Polina’s absolutely right,” Varvara Kuzminichna agreed approvingly, tapping the copy of the floor plan with her finger.
“I’ve lived a long life, dear, and I know how things should be done smartly. That’s why today at noon, I’ll be going to the developer’s office with you.”
“Why?” Kira asked suspiciously.
“Because for some reason, only your last name is on the application with your friend!” her mother-in-law said in an instructive tone.
“Levusha told me everything last night. That’s not right!”
“My name is on there because the money for the purchase is coming from my account,” Kira objected.
“That’s my premarital savings from my grandmother’s apartment.”
“So what if you had money before the wedding?” Varvara Kuzminichna retorted.
“Now you’re husband and wife, everything’s shared! But you know perfectly well these days, couples get together and split up every Tuesday!”
— And what exactly are you getting at? — Kira quietly asked.
— I’m saying, today it’s all love, and tomorrow you’ll be turning your back on us! — her mother-in-law declared.
— If we register the apartment in Lyova’s name, it’ll become shared property, and when you split up, you’ll demand half. I know all your female tricks! No way, dear, you won’t fool us so easily.
Varvara Kuzminichna straightened her back, glanced triumphantly at her now silent son, and announced bluntly:
— We’ll register the apartment in my name so you can’t snatch it in a divorce! I’m a trustworthy person, not about to run off. You two just live your lives, no worries, and the square meters will stay under my motherly watch!
— So I’m supposed to pay the mortgage on your apartment then? — Kira clarified.
— Well, you don’t expect me to run around banks at my age, do you? — her mother-in-law snapped.
— I’ll even get you a temporary registration for a year, I’m not a monster, you know. And this way, Lyova’s got extra support!
Kira was stunned. For a few seconds, she stared at a spot on the wall above the dresser. Then she slowly sank back onto the stool, rubbing her temples.
She felt neither tears nor the urge to scream. Only a sticky confusion at such shameless audacity. And they weren’t even joking!
Varvara Kuzminichna sat there, looking like a benevolent benefactor, while Polina was already practically measuring out where she’d place her vanity on the floor plan.
— Lyova, — Kira called softly.
— Did you know about this?
— Kiryu, Mom means well, — Lev stammered, rubbing the back of his neck.
— Really, what difference does it make whose name the apartment’s under? We’re going to live in it together!
— Are you serious right now? — Kira looked him straight in the eyes.
— What’s the problem? — he whined.
— It just makes Mom calmer, her blood pressure goes up when she’s stressed! I talked to her after the party last night and agreed. We’re a family now!
— Funny how you both kept quiet until we registered the marriage, — Kira replied with a crooked smile.
— Waiting until the stamp was in the passport? Thinking after the wedding I’d have no escape?
— Well, where are you gonna go from a submarine? — Polina joked and giggled.
— The guests celebrated, the photos are already on social media! Are you really going to embarrass yourself in front of the whole family? Come on, you need to get to the office by noon!
— Exactly, — Varvara Kuzminichna confirmed forcefully, pushing Kira’s phone across the table toward her.
— Call your friend and have him change the application to my details. I even brought my passport! And I’ll keep those cash-filled envelopes for now to keep them safe.
Her mother-in-law reached out for the thick stack of envelopes from Kira’s friends and colleagues.
Kira was quicker by a split second. She covered the stack with her palm right under Varvara’s nose, grabbed the money, and tucked it into the dresser drawer.
— What do you think you’re doing, young lady?! — her mother-in-law burst out.
— This is the family budget!
Kira didn’t even bother to answer her. She picked up the phone from the table, unlocked it, and dialed her friend from the sales department. She put the call on speakerphone right away. It didn’t ring for long.
— Hi, Kira! — a cheerful voice came through the speaker.
— Congratulations to the newlyweds! So, see you at twelve to register the three-room place?
— Hi! — Kira replied clearly, looking straight at her husband.
«Cancel the reservation for the three-room apartment. We’re not buying it after all.»
«Really?» my friend was taken aback for a moment.
«Are you sure? There’s a line of buyers for that place since yesterday.»
«I’m happy to let them have it,» Kira replied without any drama.
«By the way, do you still have that bright two-room apartment with the windows overlooking the square in the neighboring finished building? Is it still available?»
«It’s available,» he confirmed.
«Want me to reserve it for you instead?»
«Yes, please hold it just for me,» Kira asked.
«But we’ll finalize everything a bit later. I need to get divorced first!»
«Got it, I’m not an idiot,» her friend said delicately, clearing his throat on the phone.
«The two-room is set aside for you. Call me anytime!»
Kira ended the call and set her phone down next to the candy dish.
Lev was the first to snap out of it. He jumped up from the stool, his face blotched with red.
«Kira, are you out of your mind?!» he blurted out in one breath.
«What divorce? Why did you cancel the reservation for the three-room?!»
«Because I don’t need a three-room apartment just for myself,» Kira replied calmly.
«And from what I understand, Varvara Kuzminichna only has enough savings for a postcard with swans on it.»
«How dare you talk to me like that!» her mother-in-law exploded, jumping up from the table.
«We welcomed you wholeheartedly into a respectable family! My son married you! And now you want to cheat us?»
«I’m just protecting what’s mine, Varvara Kuzminichna,» Kira shot back, crumpling up the printed floor plan.
«Handing over my grandmother’s inheritance just for the privilege of living here by your grace? No, as you yourself said—there are no fools here!»
«Kira, enough of this drama already!» Lev stepped toward his wife, trying to grab her by the elbow, but she backed away to the dresser.
«So Mom went a bit too far, it happens! Let’s get the reservation back and register the three-room in both our names!»
«Lev, I wouldn’t even buy a doghouse while married to you,» Kira snapped.
«The three of you planned everything behind my back—about the dacha no one ever meant to sell and how to leave me with nothing.»
«We weren’t lying, we were protecting ourselves!» Polina snapped back, getting up from her chair.
«Guess Mom was right—you really are a calculating egoist! And if you’re so smart, why don’t you go back to your friends instead of staying in our apartment!»
Kira gave her sister-in-law a mocking look.
«Dream on, Polya! I found and paid for this rental. The payment ends this Friday, and I’m not renewing it.»
Starting today, I’m moving in with a friend, so you’re welcome to stay until Friday!
«And after Friday, where am I supposed to go?!» Lev asked, throwing up his hands in confusion.
«I’ve got my computer here, my things, my winter tires are on the balcony!»
«Go to your mom’s, Lev!» Kira said cheerfully and gestured toward the hallway door.
«Varvara Kuzminichna’s place is solid, with motherly supervision, and nobody will take it away in a divorce! You can put the winter tires in Polina’s room or take them to the dacha.»
«Let’s go, Lyovushka, there’s no use humiliating ourselves in front of her!» Varvara Kuzminichna wailed, grabbing her handbag from the shelf by the mirror.
«I told you from the start—she’s not right for you! So stingy, so secretive, wouldn’t even spare a penny for the family! She’ll come crawling back, wanting to make peace, but we’ll think twice before forgiving her!»
At the door, Polina tried to quietly grab the box with the robot vacuum. Kira stepped forward just in time and blocked her path.
«Put it back, Polya,» she said firmly.
«Use a mop to pick up your cat’s hair. It’ll only take you five minutes!»
Her sister-in-law hissed something nasty under her breath, shoved her feet into her shoes, and dashed out to the landing after their mother.
Lev lingered by the doorway for a few more minutes.
«Kira, come on…» he managed to say, looking at his wife hopefully.
«Maybe you’ll cool off by this evening? Mom just wants the best for us.»
«Pack your things, Leva. You’ve got until Friday,» Kira snapped at him.
«And I’m filing for divorce online today.»
Four months passed. They divorced through the registry office, without a single court hearing—there was nothing to split after just two days of married life.
Right after getting her divorce certificate, Kira bought that bright two-bedroom apartment overlooking the park. She didn’t need a loan, and the robot vacuum now cheerfully zipped around her spacious new rooms.
Lev ended up living with Varvara Kuzminichna and Polina. A week ago, he sent Kira a long voice message.
He complained that his winter tires were still sitting above his head on the balcony, and his mother and sister had taken his salary card «for safekeeping» and nagged him every evening.
At the end of the message, her ex-husband added resentfully that it was all Kira’s fault: if she hadn’t been so greedy about the three-bedroom, they’d be living like normal people now.
Kira didn’t bother listening to the rest—she just blocked his number and went back to unpacking her new things.
