My brother is straight out of a fairy tale. You know, the one about the goat kid. We rarely see each other, and I’m glad about it. In childhood, I had to spend too much time in his company. And, you know, I’m not as patient and kind as sister Alenushka.
Some people tell children not to rush into growing up, that there’s plenty of time for that. They used to say the same to me, but I was in a hurry, very much so. I was spurring on the horses of my life to carry me further and further away from my parental home.
I never really considered it my true home. I hoped to find my happiness one day, but I knew that none of my relatives would help me in my search. From childhood, I felt like an outsider in my family—a seed brought by the wind and dropped into a swamp, but it still grew.
My family pulled me down with all their might—like mermaids dragging random passersby to the bottom. And I just wanted to go up: to the sun, to the sky, and the birds. I don’t know how, maybe a miracle happened, but I managed to get out of the muck. I didn’t drink that black water with them; I found the strength to get up, braid my hair, and walk away from those pits.
Now, if I talk to my mom, our conversations are very short and mainly about my brother:
‘Hello, any news? Imagine, Vasya has started boxing. He’s just begun, but he’s already boxing so well. He flutters like a butterfly, stings like a bee. We bought him a punching bag and gloves. He trains all day, doesn’t leave his room, just boxes. All you hear is ‘bam, bam, thud, thud…’
‘Great, I just came from work, I’ll be cooking dinner…’
‘We also signed Vasya up for hockey. He has such a talent, you can’t even imagine. Vasya is a Renaissance man, something like Leonardo da Vinci. A master of all trades. He goes, practices, everyone praises him… Yes, what about dinner?’
‘Oh, nothing special. An interesting case at work today…’
‘Wait, wait, sorry to interrupt. But you just have to know about this: Vasya has got a girlfriend. How could I not mention her right away? The guy hasn’t had a girlfriend for three years, and now, finally, he has. You know how happy I am? Maybe I’m happier than Vasya himself. I went to church today, lit a candle for their health. They are so sweet, you just can’t imagine. They go everywhere together. Vasya invites her out every day, a real gentleman… Yes, you were talking about work?’
‘No, no, I’ve said everything.’
‘Well, that’s great. I thought so right away. By the way, Vasya has a mole on his cheek. I told your father: look how big it is, just like a chicken egg. But he sees nothing, keeps asking: «Where?» Even Vasya didn’t notice it at first. I don’t know what they would do without me. Men are sometimes just like children… Now we’ll go get it checked, I want to know if this mole is dangerous… So, dear, that’s what’s going on, you will help us, won’t you?’
That’s where mom switched to the most interesting part for her. When it came to money, she became simply sugary. She explained everything in detail, explaining why I should help my brother. He, you see, is the hope of our entire family, a young genius… I just couldn’t understand one of her words: then who am I in this whole story? Apparently, just a money bag that somehow learned to talk.
At first, I really did help. I thought it was the humane thing to do. Maybe it was. But it’s very hard to act humanely when you’re treated like a bottomless purse. I thought that one day I would be able to normally interact with my family, I thought I could overcome myself. Of course, there could be no talk of any love, but still, I didn’t want to completely give up on my relatives. But at some point, I realized that in life, sometimes to fly, you need to push off.
As you may have noticed, they always loved my brother more than me. To mom, he was quite like an ancient Greek god. All her life she was ready to sacrifice for his altar. She demanded the same from the others, only I, as it turned out, felt no admiration for my brother. If he was an ancient Greek god, then perhaps only Dionysus: he spent all his free time (and all his time was free) having fun and entertaining himself. And in general, as far as I remember, gods in Ancient Greece were not distinguished by strict morals, so yes, I agree, he was an ancient Greek god.
Vasya felt early on how everyone around him loved him. It was enough for him to snap his fingers, and all his wishes were immediately fulfilled. He grew up so whimsical and pampered that even French kings might envy him. Everything and always was done for him. I’m not sure if he knows how to tie his shoelaces? Quite possibly, mom still feeds him with a spoon.
Vasya treated me like his toy. When in childhood he hurt me, everything was forgiven. I don’t know what he would have had to do for mom to finally take my side? He cut my clothes, poured glue on my books… I don’t know how I even survived in that house. Mom constantly repeated to me that I had to endure, that I was older and obliged to understand everything that my brother did.
‘Besides,’ she added, ‘he’s a genius, he’s allowed everything — you have a long way to grow, so you better endure and keep quiet.’
But I didn’t want to endure and keep quiet all my life. As long as I can remember, I always dreamed of breaking out of the stifling atmosphere of my home. I studied a lot to get into university, get a dormitory, and finally become independent. And I succeeded. No matter how much they all tried to stop me, I succeeded.
I managed to find people who truly value me. My husband, for example, adores me. His childhood was much like mine. His younger sister made his life miserable. So we are two loners who still met. Sometimes we talk about our past and future. After I stopped helping my brother, he tried to persuade me, tell me that I was wrong, but the thing is, he doesn’t know my brother.
‘You see, Genya, your situation with your sister is different. It was tough for you both in childhood, but you both grew up, and, as I understand, she admitted her mistakes. Moreover, she really does amazing things. She’s a promising artist. Her works are bought, taken to exhibitions. You did well to stop holding a grudge against her for childhood grievances.’
‘Wait, but isn’t it different with you and your brother? Why don’t you stop holding a grudge against him too?’
‘Yes, it’s different with us, everything is completely different. If he doesn’t splatter paint on my dresses, it’s only because we don’t live together anymore. Vasya remained a spoiled cruel child. I think he’s completely unable to empathize. He just can’t put himself in someone else’s shoes.’
‘Hmm, but I understood from your mom’s words that he has phenomenal abilities. He’s an athlete and all that…’
‘I beg you: what phenomenal abilities? Only mom thinks so, but because of her love for him, she sees nothing. He can’t put on skates without her help. And after every training session, Vasya cries, and she comforts him. He absolutely can’t handle losing. In the end, he quits everything as soon as he starts. The money mom gives him for clubs and sections, he spends on games and his girlfriends. No, no, no, he won’t get another penny from me. I’ve had enough of these experiments with reuniting with the family.
I consider myself a strong person, but still, I’m not some kind of elephant to carry them all. If I had realized earlier that I owe my brother nothing, I probably wouldn’t have had to visit sanatoriums to recover my health.
Even while studying at university, my husband and I started working, dreaming of saving up for our own housing. And finally, a couple of months ago, we moved into our new apartment. If all these years, mom hadn’t been pulling money out of me, my dream could have come true much earlier. Now I ask myself, where did all that I invested in my brother go? I couldn’t get rid of the need to help my relatives for so long, simply because they are relatives, and it’s supposed to help them. Now I understand that it would have been much more profitable to invest in agriculture in Antarctica or in land reclamation in the Sahara.
For a long time, there was no news from mom. During our last conversation, I made it clear to her that she wouldn’t get another penny from me, that she just uses me and doesn’t feel anything. Never felt anything.
And then a couple of days ago, she suddenly called me. She was crying. My mom is, of course, a good actress, but this time it was for real. She apologized to me, said that I was absolutely right about my brother. They only just opened their eyes now.
All this time he was deceiving them, doing nothing, loafing around with friends, while telling his parents stories about how diligently he studied and trained, how everyone was pleased with his successes.
He barely finished school, and that only because on my money, mom found him the best tutors. Sometimes they say that boys get smart in university. Maybe so, but it seems there was nothing for my brother to get smart about.
It turned out he didn’t show up at university at all. After the first semester, he was expelled. For a whole half-year, Vasya convinced his parents that he was almost the most successful student in the group, while he hung out who knows where. He didn’t care about his parents at all. Well, they’re to blame themselves, they didn’t raise him in time, so they get, as the classic says, fruits worthy of their ill nature.
When mom asked him what he was going to do in life, he couldn’t really answer her question. And yet, he was no longer a little boy, at his age, it’s time to know what you want, strive for something, otherwise you’ll be completely lost. But it seems my brother is not interested in anything. He’d just press buttons and take girls to the movies.
Mom kept repeating that she couldn’t recover from the shock of her son being expelled from university. She asked if she could come over, and, without thinking long, I agreed. Mom had never been so lost and broken before. I just couldn’t refuse her. But, as it soon turned out, she had a business proposal for me.
No, she still didn’t remember that I’m her daughter, I remained an open wallet for her. It’s strange that she called me ‘daughter.’ Probably, she was restraining herself with all her might not to say what she really thought: ‘Wallet, wallet…’
Soon after our conversation, mom came over to our place with my husband for tea. She brought a cake and candies. Everything looked as if we were about to reconcile, and everything would be completely different… Well, dreaming isn’t harmful.
As soon as I poured the tea, mom got down to business:
‘Your brother let us all down very badly, but he will still show himself, right? You have to give him a second chance, don’t you? You can’t just write off a person. He told me he wants to do business. It’s time for him to become independent. You’ve become independent, and look how well your life has turned out.’
‘So,’ I stretched, ‘what are you suggesting?’
What she said dashed all my hopes.
‘Daughter, we bought your brother an apartment. You’ll be making the monthly payments for it,’ my mother declared.
Hearing this, my husband and I exchanged cold glances and asked:
‘Is this a joke?’
But mom just shook her head and started telling me again about my genius brother. I couldn’t listen to it anymore. I cut her off mid-sentence:
‘He won’t get anything more from me, you understand? I thought, I thought, mom, that you didn’t come for this, but you, as usual. I don’t understand you. I can’t talk to you right now. Please, leave. You should have warned me right away what you needed from me.’
She started to yell and threaten me. Good thing my husband was nearby. He escorted her out the door and calmed me down. With him, I felt safe.
By evening, everything was almost as good as at the end of that fairy tale:
‘…they threw silk nets and pulled Alenushka onto the shore. They removed the stone from her neck, dipped her in spring water, dressed her in a festive dress. Alenushka came back to life and became even more beautiful than before
