But do you know what he gifted me? A mouse! Just a regular mouse!»
«That’s… what is that?» was all I could manage to say.
«What do you mean what? A mouse!» he was surprised.
«I see it’s a mouse! But why bring it?!»
«It’s a gift!» he beamed. «An African one, by the way. A rare species!»
«Ah, well that changes everything…» I muttered. «But why is it so sluggish?»
«It’s old…» he sighed. «They gave it away for free at the pet store. It would have been fed to a python if not for me!»
«Now someone’s going to choke on this ‘African’ creature! Have you lost your mind?!»
And once upon a time… He used to be different — sweet, attentive. But all that good is locked behind the iron door of the past, slammed shut by our marriage. Before, it was flowers, perfumes… Now, rodents! What has become of him? What bug bit him?
We’re renting an apartment. Splitting the cost. He pinches every penny, saves water as if he’s in the desert. If it weren’t for me, he’d be sitting by candlelight, like Dracula in a crypt! I once found him in the yard — sitting, reading the newspaper.
«Why don’t you go home?»
«The streetlight here… it’s free,» he muttered.
What’s next — mud baths in puddles? Let it be. But without me. I’m fed up with this ‘happiness’!
In the kitchen, he’s like a supervisor. Standing over me, watching every little bit.
«Stop-stop-stop!» he shrieks. «Enough! We won’t eat it all! Too much!»
If there weren’t boiling water in the pot, he’d scoop out the grains with his bare hands…
And I remember the student feasts! A luxury back then: potatoes from the village, butter, dill. Friends would bring sausage, cheese — a feast! Beauty… Now what? I’m waiting for him to start gnawing on raw potatoes — to save on electricity! He won’t take loans, forbids me to. And guests? They’ve forgotten what that is.
«Who invented them?!» he rages. «Should be banned! They’ll eat everything clean — and what about us?»
«Peter, you’ll soon be switching to the energy of the universe. Why do you need food?»
Holidays? A whole other song! He has a little calendar: all family birthdays. Starts a week in advance:
«For what?! Why should I gift? They just got a year older!»
He sits, drawing cards — it’s cheaper! «Attention is more important than the gift.» He draws so that Halloween can take a rest.
Flowers for me? The last time was at our wedding. And even those… like that African mouse — barely alive. Probably picked them near a chemical plant. You can expect anything from him…
But flowers are my weakness! And it’s not about the money. He just considers them «useless.» Though… I once caught him eating a rosehip petal. Apparently, he didn’t like it. Too bad! Maybe he’d get hooked — and buy roses instead of buckwheat. They’d last a couple of days, then — into a salad!
His gifts… Like from a child! When a little one gifts you beach shells — you’re charmed. But a grown man? Touching, of course, but you can’t go far on shells.
He reproaches me for spending. My money — but he can’t stand it! Wants to cut everyone down to size. Even tried to teach his own mother «economy.» She once asked him to look after her… She still shudders at the memory: a packet of buckwheat for a week — and «don’t ask for more!» Good thing I found out in time…
To the store — only together. Like tethered! Even for clothes. Other husbands run from shopping like from the plague — so now I avoid it myself! With him, it’s torture. He watches as I look at a dress:
«Why do you need it? Let’s buy socks instead!»
Exactly! I’ll strut around in socks now. Only in them.
And groceries… Every Thursday at dawn, he drags himself across the city. Haggles until he’s blue in the face — vendors ready to give away stuff for free just to get rid of him!
I’m waiting for him to start bargaining in supermarkets. Maybe even beg for alms? Why not a business? No investment needed, no experience, no education. Stability and pure profit!
Recently, friends invited us for New Year’s — that same university gang with whom we shared the last potato. We called often, but rarely met. And then — a miracle: everyone was free, no one on night shifts!
This New Year’s was supposed to be special. Usually, January 1st brings melancholy — you always wait for changes, but everything stays the same. But now, I just wanted to relax, unwind after a hectic December. Couldn’t have fun… But I truly became a different person.
No troubles were foreseen. And what trouble is this? Liberation! My eyes finally opened — how had I lived so blindly for so many years? And for my husband… This became his downfall. How did he manage to lose such a submissive, uncomplaining wife? Talent, no other way. Or maybe something’s wrong with his head.
We were late because of the shoes. They were too expensive, too shiny! «They’ll start to envy! They’ll think — money grows on trees. They’ll beg to come over…»
Friends greeted us warmly. Everyone already at the table. I was ready to jump for joy — we hadn’t seen each other for so long! The shoes were forgotten instantly. Just like in those children’s New Year’s magazines that dad used to buy…
The table — a sight to behold! A royal feast! We chatted, laughed, shared news. And there was plenty — months’ worth! Looking at the salads and snacks, we remembered our student poverty.
Everyone was having fun. Except for my husband. He sat sullen. Suddenly leaned over, whispers:
«Caesar…»
«What about ‘Caesar’?»
«Caesar…»
I start getting angry:
«What about it?!»
«Too much… Why such expenses? Better to have given it to us — could live on buckwheat for two weeks…»
I was dumbfounded. He outdid himself — counting other people’s money had become his art.
«And the tartlets…» he wouldn’t stop. «With caviar! Imagine how much rice you could buy!»
Luckily, his calculations were interrupted — we decided to exchange gifts before the chimes. Under the tree, a mountain of packages grew — taller than the beauty herself! We, like children, took turns pulling out gifts. Laughed, examined, thanked for an entire hour…
What wasn’t in those sparkling bags! Ties, perfumes… Everything chosen with soul, each dreamt of. But my husband’s gift… It turned out to be invisible! Maybe an African mouse? Or a car? Who knows…
Friends noticed the blunder:
«Do you always do this? Without gifts?»
I gave him a watch, he — in his pocket, as if heading to a pawnshop. And in return — emptiness.
«My wife is unpretentious!» he declared proudly. «We manage with shampoo for holidays.»
I was burning with shame. New Year’s tears again… Thanks to friends — they supported me. The chimes struck — and I realized: everything will change. He didn’t even apologize. Let him now gift others with mice, count the beans.
They asked us to stay, but I was overwhelmed with fatigue. Tomorrow — a new life, I need strength.
I made him a bed in the kitchen — let him wither over the buckwheat, like Koschei! I locked the door, turned over, and fell asleep.
In the morning, I packed my things and declared — no longer a wife. It struck him like a bolt of lightning! He began to whine, to beg. He can’t without me…
No wonder he can’t! Let him try now. He fell to his knees, but I wouldn’t budge. Enough! Time to act. I’ve tolerated too long, but there’s a limit to everything.
He was still shouting threats from the staircase, but I didn’t care. New Year — new life! Everything around was white, clean. And I — starting from a clean slate. Stayed at my parents’ for a while, then rented my own place. I managed! Finally started eating properly. Mom was overjoyed — she couldn’t stand that miser. I congratulated her right then with two holidays.
He called later, of course. I didn’t pick up — as if I stepped out from a dark forest into the light. Memories of the past life make me shudder.
Let him now gnaw on chair legs — low in calories, but economical. Bon appétit!
