The Husband’s Family Came “Just Like Family.” I Gave Them a Very Family-Style Surprise…
This winter had turned out especially biting, but Tanya actually liked that. Outside the window, the blizzard howled, hurling fistfuls of snow against the double-glazed panes, while inside, in the kitchen, the air smelled of eggs frying in butter with herbs, sizzling little sausages, and long-awaited freedom.
Tanya stretched, her joints cracking pleasantly. Two weeks. A full fourteen days of legal vacation, wrestled from management through sheer stubbornness. No reports, no early mornings. Just a blanket, TV series, long baths, and silence. Her husband Edik, as usual, would be at work until evening, so the day promised to be perfect.
The idyll was shattered by the doorbell. Insistent, long, turning into a demanding burst, as if not a person but a squad of debt collectors stood outside.
Tanya frowned. She wasn’t expecting anyone. Couriers usually called first, the neighbors were at work. She threw on her robe and, shuffling in her slippers, went to the peephole. Her heart skipped a beat and then dropped somewhere down to her heels.
On the landing, taking up all the free space, stood Nadezhda Yakovlevna—her mother-in-law. Next to her, chewing gum, Edik’s sister Lenka shifted from foot to foot, holding a one-year-old chubby baby in her arms, while five-year-old Vitalik was already scraping the toe of his boot against Tanya’s door upholstery. Around them were piled plaid shopping bags, duffels, and, for some reason, a pair of skis.
“Open up, sleepyhead! We know you’re home!” Nadezhda Yakovlevna barked, apparently sensing movement behind the door.
Still hoping it was a hallucination caused by exhaustion, Tanya turned the lock. The door flew open, and with the frosty air rushed into the apartment the smell of cheap perfume, onion pies, and other people’s nerve.
“Oh, finally!” her mother-in-law exclaimed, stepping onto the parquet in her boots as if she owned the place. “Edik said you’re on vacation, so we thought, why should you sit here all alone moping? Surprise!”
“Surprise…” Tanya echoed, watching Vitalik’s dirty boots leave black puddles on the beige rug. “And Edik… knew?”
“Did Edik know?” Lenka snorted with laughter, squeezing past Tanya and bumping her with her enormous puffer coat. “Edik invited us! Said, ‘Tanka’s sitting at home for two whole weeks, she’s bored, come over—she’ll set the table and show you around Moscow too.’”
Something clicked in Tanya’s head. The puzzle came together instantly. So that was why Edik had smiled so mysteriously yesterday and asked whether she had bought groceries. That was why he had been so oddly insistent about the dates of her vacation. He had simply decided to arrange himself a holiday using someone else’s hands. His wife was at home, so his wife would serve everybody. “Just like family.”
“Tanya, why are you standing there like a post?” Nadezhda Yakovlevna had already thrown her fur coat directly onto the bench, ignoring the coat rack. “Come on, get some food on the table. We’re starving from the road like wolves. And put cartoons on for Vitalik, he’s getting cranky. By the way, we’ll sleep in the big room—the sofa there is more comfortable—and Lenka with the kids will stay in the bedroom with you two. Or maybe you can move to the kitchen, you’re young.”
Tanya silently looked at this traveling circus. Inside her, a cold, angry determination was beginning to boil. The rage that usually made her shout and slam dishes this time transformed into icy calm. So Edik had decided to arrange a surprise? Wonderful. She liked surprises too.
“Come in, make yourselves comfortable,” Tanya said with a smile so wide that even Lenka stopped chewing. “I’ll be right back. I just need to change.”
She slipped into the bedroom. Her hands did not shake. Her movements were sharp and fast, like a commando on an assignment. Jeans, sweater. Into a sports bag went her passport, wallet, charger, some underwear, and a makeup pouch.
From the living room came the sounds of crashing and her mother-in-law’s voice:
“Tanya! Where’s your remote? And why is your fridge practically empty? Were you expecting guests or what?”
I was expecting you, Nadezhda Yakovlevna. Very much so, Tanya answered silently.
She pulled a notepad from the desk drawer, tore out a sheet, and wrote in broad strokes:
“Edik! Your guests are your joy. Entertain them, feed them, and put them to bed yourself. I’m at my mother’s in Vidnoye. I’ll come back when the apartment is quiet and clean. Kisses, your ‘bored’ wife.”
She stuck the note to the hallway mirror, right in the most visible spot.
Then she stepped back into the corridor. The relatives had already occupied the kitchen. Vitalik was jumping on the sofa, leaving cookie crumbs ground into the upholstery.
“I’m going to the store,” Tanya said loudly, pulling on her puffer jacket. “For bread and… delicacies.”
“Hurry up!” Lenka shouted with her mouth full. “And get beer for Edik!”
Tanya slammed the door behind her. She ran down the stairs without waiting for the elevator. She inhaled the frosty air. Freedom smelled even sweeter now—with a hint of revenge. She called a taxi to Vidnoye, to her mother’s place. Her mother had давно been inviting her over for dumplings, and unlike Edik, her surprises were always pleasant.
Edik came home in an excellent mood. He was looking forward to a picture of cozy family warmth: a laid table, his cheerful mother, his well-fed sister, and Tanya bustling around them all. Well, why not? She was sitting at home anyway. It did a woman good to keep house once in a while—she’d gotten too relaxed with that office job of hers.
He opened the door with his key and immediately tripped over a ski.
“Hi, family!” he began brightly, but stopped short.
The apartment roared with chaos. The TV was blaring, Lenka’s younger child was crying, and Nadezhda Yakovlevna was loudly scolding someone on the phone. The smell in the apartment was not pies, but burnt oil and something sour.
“Oh, the breadwinner has arrived!” Nadezhda Yakovlevna floated into the hallway, wiping her hands on Tanya’s good guest towel. “And where is your precious wife? She left for the store two hours ago and vanished! We’re starving here!”
Edik blinked in confusion. “To the store? Strange…”
And then he saw the note on the mirror.
He read it three times. The meaning sank in slowly, as if through cotton wool. Tanya had left. Tanya had abandoned him. Alone. With his mother. With his sister. With her children.
“Edik, why are you frozen there?” Lenka tugged at his sleeve. “Feed us already! Vitalik wants pizza!”
And then hell began.
The first evening passed under the sign of total confusion. Edik ordered pizza, spending three thousand rubles on it, for which his mother immediately scolded him:
“Spendthrift! You leave your own mother living on dry food while you throw money away! Where’s the borscht? Where are the cutlets?”This winter had turned out to be especially biting, but Tanya rather liked it. Outside, a blizzard howled, hurling fistfuls of snow against the windowpanes, while inside, in the kitchen, the air smelled of eggs fried in butter with herbs, sizzling sausages, and long-awaited freedom.
Tanya stretched, her joints cracking. Two weeks. A full fourteen days of legitimate vacation time, wrestled from management after a battle. No reports, no early mornings. Just a blanket, TV series, long baths, and silence. Her husband Edik, as usual, would be at work until evening, so the day promised to be perfect.
The idyll was shattered by the doorbell. Insistent, drawn-out, then turning into a demanding barrage, as if not a person but a squad of debt collectors stood outside.
Tanya frowned. She wasn’t expecting anyone. Couriers usually called first, and the neighbors were at work. Throwing on her robe and shuffling in her slippers, she went to the peephole. Her heart skipped a beat, then dropped straight down to her heels.
On the landing, taking up all the free space, stood Nadezhda Yakovlevna — her mother-in-law. Beside her, shifting from foot to foot and chewing gum, was her sister-in-law Lenka, holding a chubby one-year-old, while five-year-old Vitalik was already scraping the toe of his boot against Tanya’s door upholstery. Around them loomed plaid shopping bags, duffels, and, for some reason, a pair of skis.
“Open up, sleepyhead! We know you’re home!” bellowed Nadezhda Yakovlevna, evidently sensing movement behind the door.
Still hoping this was just an overwork-induced hallucination, Tanya turned the lock. The door flew open, and along with a gust of frosty air there rushed into the apartment the smell of cheap perfume, onion pies, and other people’s audacity.
“Oh, finally!” Her mother-in-law stepped onto the parquet like she owned the place, without even taking off her boots. “Edik said you’re on vacation, so we thought, why should you mope around all alone? Surprise!”
“Surprise…” Tanya echoed, watching Vitalik’s dirty boots leave black puddles on the beige mat. “And Edik… knew?”
“Knew?” Lenka snorted with laughter, squeezing past Tanya and bumping her with her enormous puffer coat. “Edik invited us! Said, ‘Tanya’s sitting at home for two weeks, she’s bored, come on over — she’ll set the table and show you around Moscow too.’”
Something clicked in Tanya’s head. The puzzle came together instantly. So that was why Edik had smiled so mysteriously yesterday and asked whether she’d bought groceries. That was why he’d so insistently confirmed the dates of her vacation. He had simply decided to throw himself a celebration using someone else’s hands. His wife was home, his wife would serve everyone. “Family-style.”
“Tanya, why are you standing there like a post?” Nadezhda Yakovlevna was already shrugging off her fur coat right onto the bench, ignoring the coat rack. “Come on, put food on the table. We’re starving from the road like wolves. And turn on cartoons for Vitalik, he’s getting cranky. By the way, we’ll sleep in the big room — the couch is more comfortable there — and Lenka and the kids will stay in the bedroom with you. Or you two can move to the kitchen, you’re young.”
Tanya silently stared at this traveling circus. Inside her, a cold, angry resolve was beginning to boil. The fury that usually made her shout and smash dishes had, this time, transformed into icy calm. So Edik had decided to arrange a surprise? Excellent. She liked surprises too.
“Come in, make yourselves at home,” Tanya said with such a wide smile that even Lenka stopped chewing. “I’ll be right back. Just need to get changed.”
She slipped into the bedroom. Her hands were steady. Her movements were sharp and quick, like a спецназ soldier on a mission. Jeans, sweater. Into a sports bag went: her passport, wallet, charger, some underwear, a makeup bag.
From the living room already came banging noises and her mother-in-law’s voice:
“Tanya! Where’s your remote? And why is the fridge practically empty? Were you expecting guests or what?”
“I was expecting you, Nadezhda Yakovlevna. Very much so,” Tanya replied silently in her head.
She took a notepad from the desk drawer, tore out a sheet, and scrawled in large letters:
“Edik! Your guests are your joy. Entertain them, feed them, and put them to bed yourself. I’m at Mom’s in Vidnoye. I’ll come back when the apartment is quiet and clean. Kisses, your ‘bored’ wife.”
She stuck the note to the hallway mirror — right in the most visible spot.
Then she came out into the corridor. The relatives had already occupied the kitchen. Vitalik was jumping on the couch, leaving cookie crumbs all over the upholstery.
“I’m going to the store,” Tanya announced loudly, pulling on her puffer jacket. “For bread and… delicacies.”
“Make it quick!” Lenka shouted through a mouthful of food. “And get beer for Edik!”
Tanya slammed the door behind her. She ran down the stairs without waiting for the elevator. She inhaled the frosty air. Freedom now smelled even sweeter — with notes of revenge. She called a taxi to Vidnoye, to her mother’s place. Her mother had long been inviting her over for dumplings, and unlike Edik, her surprises were always pleasant.
Edik was coming home in an excellent mood. He was picturing a scene of cozy family bliss: a laid table, his cheerful mother, his well-fed sister, and Tanya bustling around them all. Well, what else? She was sitting at home anyway. Household work was good for a woman, otherwise she’d gotten too relaxed with that office job of hers.
He opened the door with his key and immediately tripped over a ski.
“Hi, family!” he began brightly, but then stopped short.
The apartment roared with noise. The television was blaring, Lenka’s younger child was crying, and Nadezhda Yakovlevna was loudly scolding someone on the phone. The smell in the air was not of pies but of burned oil and something sour.
“Oh, look who’s here, our provider!” Nadezhda Yakovlevna floated into the hallway, wiping her hands on Tanya’s good towel. “And where’s your beloved little wife? She went to the store two hours ago and vanished! We’re starving here!”
Edik blinked in confusion.
“To the store? That’s strange…”
And then he saw the note on the mirror.
He read it three times. The meaning seeped into his brain slowly, like through cotton. Tanya had left. Tanya had abandoned him. With his mother. With his sister. With her children. Alone.
“Edik, why are you just standing there?” Lenka tugged at his sleeve. “Get us something to eat! Vitalik wants pizza!”
Hell began.
The first evening passed under the sign of bewilderment. Edik ordered pizza, spending three thousand rubles on it, for which he was immediately scolded by his mother:
“You spendthrift! You let your own mother live on dry food while throwing money to the wind! Where’s the borscht? Where are the cutlets?”
Edik didn’t know how to cook borscht. He only knew how to eat it.
“Mom, but Tanya…” he tried to defend himself.
“Tanya?!” Nadezhda Yakovlevna exploded. “Are you a man or not? Couldn’t keep your woman under control! She ran off, wagged her tail, and left! So what now, we’re supposed to starve?”
The night was even more entertaining. Lenka took over the bedroom with the children (“The kids need peace and quiet!”), Nadezhda Yakovlevna occupied the living-room couch, snoring so loudly the walls vibrated. Edik was left with a folding cot in the kitchen, one leg of which was broken.
On the second day it turned out the supply of clean plates had run out. Nobody knew how to load the dishwasher — or didn’t want to — and in the sink there had grown an Everest-sized mountain of greasy, dried-up dirty dishes.
Vitalik scribbled all over the hallway wallpaper with markers. The very wallpaper Tanya had chosen only a month earlier — Italian wallpaper.
“He’s just a child, that’s how he sees the world!” Lenka waved it off when Edik clutched at his heart. “Maybe you should’ve watched the kids better, uncle.”
By the evening of the second day, Edik realized that his wife’s vacation had not been a whim but a necessity. He came home from work — he hadn’t been able to get time off — dreaming of silence, but at home a scandal was waiting for him.
“Why is the fridge empty?!” his mother shrieked. “Are you trying to starve us to death? We’re guests! Guests!”
“Mom, I’m out of money!” Edik howled. “I spent it all on groceries yesterday, and you ate everything!”
“Oh, so we’ve eaten you out of house and home?!” Nadezhda Yakovlevna clutched at her heart theatrically. “Lena, did you hear that? Our own brother is begrudging us a piece of bread! That’s what your Tanya has taught him! A snake in the grass!”
Edik tried calling Tanya. “The subscriber is temporarily unavailable or enjoying life,” he mentally finished the automated voice’s sentence.
On the third day the worst happened. Lenka’s younger child, left unattended (“Well, you’re home, Edik, keep an eye on him!”), knocked over a mug of sweet tea onto Edik’s laptop. The laptop hissed and died. Along with it died Edik’s hopes of a yearly bonus — the report for it had been on the hard drive.
That was the last straw.
Edik, always so soft and yielding with his mother, suddenly turned into a berserker.
“Out!!!” he roared so loudly the neighbors probably had plaster raining from their ceiling. “Out of here! All of you! Right now!”
“What are you saying, son?” Nadezhda Yakovlevna gasped.
“I said pack up!” Edik shouted, his hands shaking as he grabbed their bags and hurled them toward the door. “Your train leaves in three hours! I’ll buy the tickets myself, just go! I don’t want your smell in here! ‘Guests’! You’re parasites, not guests!”
“I’ll curse you!” his mother screeched, yanking on her boots. “My foot will never cross this threshold again!”
“Thank God!” Edik barked, shoving Lenka with the skis out into the stairwell.
When the door finally slammed behind them, Edik sat down on the dirty, sticky floor. The apartment smelled of valerian drops and catastrophe. It was quiet. Ominously quiet.
He sat there staring at the scribbled wallpaper, the mountain of dishes, the tea-soaked laptop. And he realized what a complete idiot he had been.
Tanya came back two days after the “great exodus.” She entered the apartment glowing with freshness and calm.
The apartment was suspiciously clean. Not perfect, no — a stain on the wallpaper was modestly hidden behind a painting moved from the bedroom, and the smell of bleach drowned out all the other odors. But there were no dishes in the sink.
Edik was sitting in the kitchen. He was peeling potatoes. His hands were covered with tiny cuts, and there were shadows under his eyes.
When he saw his wife, he flinched and dropped the knife.
“Tanya…” his voice trembled. “You came back.”
Tanya walked to the table and ran a finger over the countertop. Clean.
“The guests left?” she asked in an everyday tone, as if asking about the weather.
“They left,” Edik exhaled. “Tanya, forgive me. I… I was a fool. A complete idiot.”
He looked so miserable, so thoroughly beaten down, that somewhere deep inside sympathy might have stirred. But Tanya remembered Lenka’s insolent smirk and her mother-in-law’s commanding tone. No, pity was out of place right now. This had been a lesson. A costly one, but a necessary one.
“I know, Edik,” she said calmly, sitting down across from him and pouring herself some water. “But ‘forgive me’ isn’t enough.”
“I’ll do anything!” her husband babbled. “I’ll rehang the wallpaper! I’ll call a cleaning service! I told Mom not to set foot here without an invitation!”
Tanya gave a faint smirk.
“That goes without saying. But I have one more condition.”
“What is it? Anything!”
“My vacation was ruined. Spent on stress and running away. So, dear husband, for the next two weeks all the housework is completely on you. Cooking, cleaning, laundry. And I will rest. For real. And if I hear even one word of complaint — I’m leaving. And this time not to my mother’s, but for a divorce.”
Edik swallowed convulsively. He looked at the pile of unpeeled potatoes, remembered three days of hell with his relatives, and imagined the prospect of being left alone in that chaos forever.
“I agree,” he said quietly. “I understand everything now, Tanya. I really do.”
Tanya took a chocolate bar from her handbag, broke off a square, and placed it in her mouth with pleasure.
“Good boy. Now finish peeling the potatoes. I like my mashed potatoes smooth.”
She got up and went into the bedroom, where her favorite book and silence were waiting for her. Silence now guarded by a reliable Cerberus — her husband’s guilt. And it was the sweetest silence in the world.
